ruminations on why I suck

Ok, so I've been thinking over the past few weeks when I have been eating lots (of crap and good stuff, about equally) and not exercising exactly why this is so.

First, I think I'm not really such a fan of myself when I go into "on the wagon" mode. I'm pretty hard-core and unforgiving, and if I slip up or go into a situation where I know I'll slip up (usually involving either alcohol and desserts or both - ie, your average summer dinner party/bbq) then I stress about it, eventually cave happily and then completely lose my motivation to not do the same thing the next day. There's no "slippery slope" for me, just a big ol' cliff.

Second, the whole concept of making time for exercise is not doing it for me right now. Part of it is that I really miss gym workouts, unfortunately. I vastly prefer weights to body-weight exercises. I like being able to spend an hour or two focusing on my body rather than 20-30 minutes with one ear on the child monitor, looking at all the laundry I haven't folded and the dishes I haven't done. (If the laundry and dishes have been done, you can be sure the exercising didn't happen.) I could get a drop-in pass thingy for the Y and go there, but I'm already taking off several nights a week for Madrona Farm fundraising meetings and girl nights at the pub, and frankly I don't want to give either of those up. Plus it's an extra expense that we don't need.

So... what to do. I think I really, really need to work on my eating habits and my relationship with food. I am a tad obsessed with food from a number of directions: taste, preparation of, nutrition, ecology, sustainability/political... it's my #1 thing. The problem is that it's also my #1 comfort, too. If I feel stressed, bored, scared, worried, whatever, the first thing I want to do is occupy my brain with a book or the internet and stuff my face with whatever food is handy. That's gotta stop. Also, I eat on the go too much, and that's just a bad habit.

Starting right now, I'm not going to eat at the computer, or while driving, walking or reading. If I want to eat, I eat - but nothing else (except chat. That's ok.) Eating on its own doesn't have the same comfort value for me as eating with an occupied brain, so I think this will help.

I'm also going to try to use Bikey more. I like Bikey, and Rowan will now consent to riding on Bikey at more than a walking pace so it's getting more practical to do shopping and stuff with Bikey. I need to get some paniers or possibly a light cargo trailer though, because if I get more than a couple things at the grocery store, my backpack squishes Rowan when we ride. And, there is a limit to how much I can stuff in the backpack anyway. Also, biking saves gas, so even when I'm feeling lazy, I can get over it by being averse to spending money on gas. It now costs nearly $60 to fill up a Honda Civic. Even though we get over 500km per tank, that's still a big chunk of change.

So, we'll see how this goes. Once I've got my eating habits under control and I'm getting a moderate amount of exercise, if the weight doesn't come off at least a little bit then I'll get my thyroid checked. But I think gluttony is more to blame than malfunctioning body parts.