I made it through Survivor night without eating any cupcakes. Or really wanting to, even though they came from the good place, not the yucky vegan place. (Vegan cupcakes are a stupid idea. Vegans ought to be eating only the very freshest and best greenery, nuts and seeds, and vast vast amounts of them, to have any hope of even approaching decent health. Cupcakes are the LAST thing they need.)
Tomorrow will be a bigger challenge - Hallowe'en! Then another hallowe'en party on Saturday - but at least I've been requested to make paté for that. I was supposed to make pumpkin tarts for the party tomorrow but my pumpkin turned out to be not a pie pumpkin. I think it was either a mutant freak or mislabeled... but it was just not good, so I shall make mince tarts instead, seasonality be damned, and use up some of the lovely green-tomato mincemeat I have in the pantry.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
self-discovery, thanks to CBC
It's been a while since I posted. I've been in total denial mode - the "oh, I'll get back on that exercise thing on Monday" kind of denial. But I wanted to post about a recent self-realization in hopes that it really starts to permeate my being (at the risk of sounding a bit hippy-dippy).
So I was listening to Quirks & Quarks this week, and they had on a psychologist who researches brain differences between overweight and normal weight people. She was looking at the pleasure-centre activation using food as a stimulus (chocolate milkshakes to be precise) and expecting to see that in overweight people there would be more activation in the pleasure area (cause if you like something, you do it more, right?) As it turns out, there was LESS activation. Overweight people, apparently, get LESS enjoyment out of food. Interestingly, addictions researchers see a similar effect with people whose addictions are progressing - the measurable pleasure of whatever it is they're imbibing in actually decreases over time, prompting the addict to need more.
This totally made sense to me. For me - I would hesitate to say that ALL overweight people have this problem. I can eat a meal and stop, but if I start snacking, ESPECIALLY when I don't really need to, I can't stop eating. I'll have a piece of toast or whatever and think "I don't need any more" and then go back and make another one. And then have some cookies. And then an apple, because I need to eat something healthy. And then another cookie. And then it's dinner time.
So I thought "huh. I think I'm a food addict." I've always tried to ignore that possibility, preferring instead to believe that there was nothing wrong with me that a little willpower wouldn't fix, knowing that I'd been able to lose weight in the past, conveniently ignoring the part where it all came back on the minute any extra stress entered my life. But I think I have to face the fact that there IS something wrong with my brain - leaving aside, for now, the question of from whence this defect came - and I CAN do something about it in the same way that alcoholics and drug addicts can.
Of course, I can't stop eating. But I can stop eating the foods that trigger out-of-control eating, which is anything starchy or sweet. A bit of internet research quickly showed that almost all the people who've beaten an eating addiction have done so by cutting out starchy-sweet things. I've known for a long time that these foods are not doing me any favours but now I have to realize that my brain is expecting a big bang-for-buck in terms of pleasure from these things and it's not getting it, so it wants me to eat more. Well, from now on, the old brain is going to have to make do with pleasures from cheese and veggies. Deal, brain. (I think the problem IS actually specific to starchy-sweet stuff, because we are evolutionarily built to load up on that sort of stuff whenever it's around - and the best way to make someone do something is to make it fun. Hence the link between starchy-sweet and pleasure. I think the researchers would have had entirely different results had they used cheese as the the stimulus.)
For the last 2 days I've eaten no starch or sugar. And I'm not missing it, surprisingly. The real test will be the Hallowe'en parties this weekend - if I can make it through those, I can make it through Christmas. The problem in the past has been that I always thought I could get back on the wagon easily enough. Now I know that's not true. If I eat one jellybean, I will eat more.
Also, I got orthotics and I've been jogging a couple times a week. It's not fun, but I'm doing it.
And in the interests of full disclosure, my current weight is 164 lbs.
So I was listening to Quirks & Quarks this week, and they had on a psychologist who researches brain differences between overweight and normal weight people. She was looking at the pleasure-centre activation using food as a stimulus (chocolate milkshakes to be precise) and expecting to see that in overweight people there would be more activation in the pleasure area (cause if you like something, you do it more, right?) As it turns out, there was LESS activation. Overweight people, apparently, get LESS enjoyment out of food. Interestingly, addictions researchers see a similar effect with people whose addictions are progressing - the measurable pleasure of whatever it is they're imbibing in actually decreases over time, prompting the addict to need more.
This totally made sense to me. For me - I would hesitate to say that ALL overweight people have this problem. I can eat a meal and stop, but if I start snacking, ESPECIALLY when I don't really need to, I can't stop eating. I'll have a piece of toast or whatever and think "I don't need any more" and then go back and make another one. And then have some cookies. And then an apple, because I need to eat something healthy. And then another cookie. And then it's dinner time.
So I thought "huh. I think I'm a food addict." I've always tried to ignore that possibility, preferring instead to believe that there was nothing wrong with me that a little willpower wouldn't fix, knowing that I'd been able to lose weight in the past, conveniently ignoring the part where it all came back on the minute any extra stress entered my life. But I think I have to face the fact that there IS something wrong with my brain - leaving aside, for now, the question of from whence this defect came - and I CAN do something about it in the same way that alcoholics and drug addicts can.
Of course, I can't stop eating. But I can stop eating the foods that trigger out-of-control eating, which is anything starchy or sweet. A bit of internet research quickly showed that almost all the people who've beaten an eating addiction have done so by cutting out starchy-sweet things. I've known for a long time that these foods are not doing me any favours but now I have to realize that my brain is expecting a big bang-for-buck in terms of pleasure from these things and it's not getting it, so it wants me to eat more. Well, from now on, the old brain is going to have to make do with pleasures from cheese and veggies. Deal, brain. (I think the problem IS actually specific to starchy-sweet stuff, because we are evolutionarily built to load up on that sort of stuff whenever it's around - and the best way to make someone do something is to make it fun. Hence the link between starchy-sweet and pleasure. I think the researchers would have had entirely different results had they used cheese as the the stimulus.)
For the last 2 days I've eaten no starch or sugar. And I'm not missing it, surprisingly. The real test will be the Hallowe'en parties this weekend - if I can make it through those, I can make it through Christmas. The problem in the past has been that I always thought I could get back on the wagon easily enough. Now I know that's not true. If I eat one jellybean, I will eat more.
Also, I got orthotics and I've been jogging a couple times a week. It's not fun, but I'm doing it.
And in the interests of full disclosure, my current weight is 164 lbs.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
ruminations on why I suck
Ok, so I've been thinking over the past few weeks when I have been eating lots (of crap and good stuff, about equally) and not exercising exactly why this is so.
First, I think I'm not really such a fan of myself when I go into "on the wagon" mode. I'm pretty hard-core and unforgiving, and if I slip up or go into a situation where I know I'll slip up (usually involving either alcohol and desserts or both - ie, your average summer dinner party/bbq) then I stress about it, eventually cave happily and then completely lose my motivation to not do the same thing the next day. There's no "slippery slope" for me, just a big ol' cliff.
Second, the whole concept of making time for exercise is not doing it for me right now. Part of it is that I really miss gym workouts, unfortunately. I vastly prefer weights to body-weight exercises. I like being able to spend an hour or two focusing on my body rather than 20-30 minutes with one ear on the child monitor, looking at all the laundry I haven't folded and the dishes I haven't done. (If the laundry and dishes have been done, you can be sure the exercising didn't happen.) I could get a drop-in pass thingy for the Y and go there, but I'm already taking off several nights a week for Madrona Farm fundraising meetings and girl nights at the pub, and frankly I don't want to give either of those up. Plus it's an extra expense that we don't need.
So... what to do. I think I really, really need to work on my eating habits and my relationship with food. I am a tad obsessed with food from a number of directions: taste, preparation of, nutrition, ecology, sustainability/political... it's my #1 thing. The problem is that it's also my #1 comfort, too. If I feel stressed, bored, scared, worried, whatever, the first thing I want to do is occupy my brain with a book or the internet and stuff my face with whatever food is handy. That's gotta stop. Also, I eat on the go too much, and that's just a bad habit.
Starting right now, I'm not going to eat at the computer, or while driving, walking or reading. If I want to eat, I eat - but nothing else (except chat. That's ok.) Eating on its own doesn't have the same comfort value for me as eating with an occupied brain, so I think this will help.
I'm also going to try to use Bikey more. I like Bikey, and Rowan will now consent to riding on Bikey at more than a walking pace so it's getting more practical to do shopping and stuff with Bikey. I need to get some paniers or possibly a light cargo trailer though, because if I get more than a couple things at the grocery store, my backpack squishes Rowan when we ride. And, there is a limit to how much I can stuff in the backpack anyway. Also, biking saves gas, so even when I'm feeling lazy, I can get over it by being averse to spending money on gas. It now costs nearly $60 to fill up a Honda Civic. Even though we get over 500km per tank, that's still a big chunk of change.
So, we'll see how this goes. Once I've got my eating habits under control and I'm getting a moderate amount of exercise, if the weight doesn't come off at least a little bit then I'll get my thyroid checked. But I think gluttony is more to blame than malfunctioning body parts.
First, I think I'm not really such a fan of myself when I go into "on the wagon" mode. I'm pretty hard-core and unforgiving, and if I slip up or go into a situation where I know I'll slip up (usually involving either alcohol and desserts or both - ie, your average summer dinner party/bbq) then I stress about it, eventually cave happily and then completely lose my motivation to not do the same thing the next day. There's no "slippery slope" for me, just a big ol' cliff.
Second, the whole concept of making time for exercise is not doing it for me right now. Part of it is that I really miss gym workouts, unfortunately. I vastly prefer weights to body-weight exercises. I like being able to spend an hour or two focusing on my body rather than 20-30 minutes with one ear on the child monitor, looking at all the laundry I haven't folded and the dishes I haven't done. (If the laundry and dishes have been done, you can be sure the exercising didn't happen.) I could get a drop-in pass thingy for the Y and go there, but I'm already taking off several nights a week for Madrona Farm fundraising meetings and girl nights at the pub, and frankly I don't want to give either of those up. Plus it's an extra expense that we don't need.
So... what to do. I think I really, really need to work on my eating habits and my relationship with food. I am a tad obsessed with food from a number of directions: taste, preparation of, nutrition, ecology, sustainability/political... it's my #1 thing. The problem is that it's also my #1 comfort, too. If I feel stressed, bored, scared, worried, whatever, the first thing I want to do is occupy my brain with a book or the internet and stuff my face with whatever food is handy. That's gotta stop. Also, I eat on the go too much, and that's just a bad habit.
Starting right now, I'm not going to eat at the computer, or while driving, walking or reading. If I want to eat, I eat - but nothing else (except chat. That's ok.) Eating on its own doesn't have the same comfort value for me as eating with an occupied brain, so I think this will help.
I'm also going to try to use Bikey more. I like Bikey, and Rowan will now consent to riding on Bikey at more than a walking pace so it's getting more practical to do shopping and stuff with Bikey. I need to get some paniers or possibly a light cargo trailer though, because if I get more than a couple things at the grocery store, my backpack squishes Rowan when we ride. And, there is a limit to how much I can stuff in the backpack anyway. Also, biking saves gas, so even when I'm feeling lazy, I can get over it by being averse to spending money on gas. It now costs nearly $60 to fill up a Honda Civic. Even though we get over 500km per tank, that's still a big chunk of change.
So, we'll see how this goes. Once I've got my eating habits under control and I'm getting a moderate amount of exercise, if the weight doesn't come off at least a little bit then I'll get my thyroid checked. But I think gluttony is more to blame than malfunctioning body parts.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
ow ow ow ow ow ow
Today's circuit:
10 burpees
10 each side single-leg squat (beginner's kind, sitting down to a chair)
10 shoulder pushups (knees on back of couch, pushup sort of vertical-like... ideally this is a handstand pushup, but I'm not there yet)
10 each side lunges (these started out as weighted lunges until there was a painful pop sort of thing in my inner thigh)
20 crunches
OMG that was painful. I hurt now. There is ibuprofen in my future. Oh, and I made it through the circuit only 4 times. I guess there's a lot of room for improvement there!
In other news, am having a lot of difficulty controlling my eating, to the point that I have actually, what with the slacking over the last couple weeks, put on 6 lbs. Uuugghhh. I may eat largely healthy food but I don't have healthy eating habits. I eat too much, generally, and I deal with stress or procrastinating by eating AND doing something else at the same time, I think in order to overload my brain with fun things so it doesn't have time to remind me that I really ought to be cleaning the kitchen and the bathroom, folding the laundry, writing an article, phoning someone, putting Rowan's toys away, culling my book collection, making crackers, or whatever. I have never been particularly good at self-management, and being an effective domestic engineer is ALL about the self-management. I keep everyone well-fed, to be sure - I have no problem planning and executing days-long food prep tasks like bread or whatever - but cleaning? laundry? not so much. There are a lot of factors behind that, but let's just sum up with a simple "I don't like cleaning very much." Eating helps me avoid cleaning, because obviously it's far more important for me to have a snack at any given time than pick up a few toys, or wipe the kitchen counters.
I suck. I KNOW I shouldn't do it, but I do anyway. Right now I really, really need to clean the kitchen - but here I am, finishing off the rest of the morning smoothie and blogging. And I HAVE sort of eaten lunch, although not very much of it. And that wasn't even a good lunch, I finished off Rowan's croissant and ham sandwiches. It's a vicious circle, too, because the more I procrastinate on housework and stuff, the more stressed I get, and the more I want to stuff my face and occupy my brain with unimportant things. And also, when I get stressed, I feel I deserve treats. Really, I do NOT deserve treats, yet somehow my brain manages to convince me otherwise. Sigh.
Well, I guess I just have to work on it. If anyone has any tips for dealing with this kind of eating, let me know.
Ummm... maybe I should start a food journal? An online one... but that would be seriously boring as hell. I'll put it in tiny print so if you don't want to read it, you don't have to.
Oh and the other thing? I think my coffee is sabotaging me... but I looooove my coffee. More sighing.
Food journal (will update later with the rest of the day)
- coffee with half & half
- smoothie: pint of kefir, 2 raw eggs, banana, 1/2 cup frozen fruit
- 1/2 croissant with butter & ham
- 1/4 ham sandwich on homemade bread (no crusts)
- apple
- 2 slices pizza (eating on the run to a meeting)
- bowl of ham & bean soup and a slice of bread
10 burpees
10 each side single-leg squat (beginner's kind, sitting down to a chair)
10 shoulder pushups (knees on back of couch, pushup sort of vertical-like... ideally this is a handstand pushup, but I'm not there yet)
10 each side lunges (these started out as weighted lunges until there was a painful pop sort of thing in my inner thigh)
20 crunches
OMG that was painful. I hurt now. There is ibuprofen in my future. Oh, and I made it through the circuit only 4 times. I guess there's a lot of room for improvement there!
In other news, am having a lot of difficulty controlling my eating, to the point that I have actually, what with the slacking over the last couple weeks, put on 6 lbs. Uuugghhh. I may eat largely healthy food but I don't have healthy eating habits. I eat too much, generally, and I deal with stress or procrastinating by eating AND doing something else at the same time, I think in order to overload my brain with fun things so it doesn't have time to remind me that I really ought to be cleaning the kitchen and the bathroom, folding the laundry, writing an article, phoning someone, putting Rowan's toys away, culling my book collection, making crackers, or whatever. I have never been particularly good at self-management, and being an effective domestic engineer is ALL about the self-management. I keep everyone well-fed, to be sure - I have no problem planning and executing days-long food prep tasks like bread or whatever - but cleaning? laundry? not so much. There are a lot of factors behind that, but let's just sum up with a simple "I don't like cleaning very much." Eating helps me avoid cleaning, because obviously it's far more important for me to have a snack at any given time than pick up a few toys, or wipe the kitchen counters.
I suck. I KNOW I shouldn't do it, but I do anyway. Right now I really, really need to clean the kitchen - but here I am, finishing off the rest of the morning smoothie and blogging. And I HAVE sort of eaten lunch, although not very much of it. And that wasn't even a good lunch, I finished off Rowan's croissant and ham sandwiches. It's a vicious circle, too, because the more I procrastinate on housework and stuff, the more stressed I get, and the more I want to stuff my face and occupy my brain with unimportant things. And also, when I get stressed, I feel I deserve treats. Really, I do NOT deserve treats, yet somehow my brain manages to convince me otherwise. Sigh.
Well, I guess I just have to work on it. If anyone has any tips for dealing with this kind of eating, let me know.
Ummm... maybe I should start a food journal? An online one... but that would be seriously boring as hell. I'll put it in tiny print so if you don't want to read it, you don't have to.
Oh and the other thing? I think my coffee is sabotaging me... but I looooove my coffee. More sighing.
Food journal (will update later with the rest of the day)
- coffee with half & half
- smoothie: pint of kefir, 2 raw eggs, banana, 1/2 cup frozen fruit
- 1/2 croissant with butter & ham
- 1/4 ham sandwich on homemade bread (no crusts)
- apple
- 2 slices pizza (eating on the run to a meeting)
- bowl of ham & bean soup and a slice of bread
Monday, May 19, 2008
20 minutes, what can you do?
I've been slacking for the past few weeks. Bit of jogging here and there, the odd pushup day, but no real exercise. And I don't feel so hot. So, back on the wagon.
Yesterday I booted it on Bikey over to Sue's house, which is about a 20-25 min ride each way. It was fun, I like pushing hard on the bike because I can get my heart rate up and sustain it and the terrain - mostly flat with a few short intense hills - is good for the leg muscles. I would like to do more with Bikey but the child is averse to going fast. So Bikey, while slightly faster than walking, is actually less exercise than pushing the stroller when the child is involved. This summer's project: turn the child into a speed demon. And just try to use Bikey more generally.
Today I started my 3-times-weekly-honest-for-real bodyweight/LDC circuits. Basically, I give myself 20 minutes to do as many times through a 5-exercise circuit as I can. I've made up 3 circuits, each with different exercises. After 4 weeks, I will make new circuits.
Today:
- 10 x pushup
- 10 x 25lb LDC squat
- 10 x leg-raise ab thingies (lie on the floor, abs tight to support back, use abs to pull legs from parallel to feet over head, repeat)
- 2 x 10 x arm circles, both directions (40 arm circles total, use full range of shoulder motion)
- 10 x shoulder bridge with leg raise, both sides. (Shoulder bridge using one leg, other leg goes up and down 10 times)
I got through 5 reps of the circuit. Hey, that's 50 pushups! (Well, some of them kinda sucked a little.)
On Wednesday I will post my next circuit.
Originally I had planned headstand leg raises on this circuit. I clearly remember, circa age 12 or so, doing lots of headstands. However, I was probably 40 lbs lighter and in considerably better shape, and now it seems my neck will not permit this. I'll keep trying but it seems like a bad idea now.
Yesterday I booted it on Bikey over to Sue's house, which is about a 20-25 min ride each way. It was fun, I like pushing hard on the bike because I can get my heart rate up and sustain it and the terrain - mostly flat with a few short intense hills - is good for the leg muscles. I would like to do more with Bikey but the child is averse to going fast. So Bikey, while slightly faster than walking, is actually less exercise than pushing the stroller when the child is involved. This summer's project: turn the child into a speed demon. And just try to use Bikey more generally.
Today I started my 3-times-weekly-honest-for-real bodyweight/LDC circuits. Basically, I give myself 20 minutes to do as many times through a 5-exercise circuit as I can. I've made up 3 circuits, each with different exercises. After 4 weeks, I will make new circuits.
Today:
- 10 x pushup
- 10 x 25lb LDC squat
- 10 x leg-raise ab thingies (lie on the floor, abs tight to support back, use abs to pull legs from parallel to feet over head, repeat)
- 2 x 10 x arm circles, both directions (40 arm circles total, use full range of shoulder motion)
- 10 x shoulder bridge with leg raise, both sides. (Shoulder bridge using one leg, other leg goes up and down 10 times)
I got through 5 reps of the circuit. Hey, that's 50 pushups! (Well, some of them kinda sucked a little.)
On Wednesday I will post my next circuit.
Originally I had planned headstand leg raises on this circuit. I clearly remember, circa age 12 or so, doing lots of headstands. However, I was probably 40 lbs lighter and in considerably better shape, and now it seems my neck will not permit this. I'll keep trying but it seems like a bad idea now.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
harder than it looks
Yesterday, for the first time, I actually managed the 50 pushup goal - mostly because after a couple weeks of intermittent bursts of pushups, I got to the point where I can knock off sets of 10 instead of sets of 5, and it's a whole lot easier to remember to do 10 pushups 5 times in a day than it is to remember to do 5 pushups 10 times in a day.
Today I'm adding in a new thing - Get-Ups. Basically, hold a weight above your head in one hand, while lying or reclining, and then stand up, holding the weight up the whole time. Then lie down again, but keep the weight up. There are refined versions of this kicking around on some of the kettlebell sites, usually called "Turkish Get-ups" but I like the one illustrated on stumptuous best (it's about halfway down the page). It looks like she's using a sissy weight, but really, not so much. I used my 7-lb LDC and that was sufficient for 5 on each side to feel like I was doing something. Actually, it was kinda hard. Getting up once is easy, and usually it's sufficient for whatever purpose - but getting up from lying down over and over, and holding a weight over your head at the same time is challenging. I won't lie and say it's *fun* but it's technically easy enough and quickly enough accomplished that it's a good little "while the kettle's coming to a boil" exercise, if you get bored of pushups.
(Um, and on the weight front, I have to admit that I totally fell off the wagon while my mom and my sister were visiting and I actually put on 3 or 4 lbs. Bad me. I'm back on the wagon now and experimenting with intermittent fasting - I will post on that if it turns out to be actually a good thing. One of those "evolutionary biology theory predicts this will be good for you but let's see how reality works out" things. I will say at this point that it is entirely possible - based on one data point - to go for 24 hours without food and be hungry without feeling any decrease in energy or mood.)
Today I'm adding in a new thing - Get-Ups. Basically, hold a weight above your head in one hand, while lying or reclining, and then stand up, holding the weight up the whole time. Then lie down again, but keep the weight up. There are refined versions of this kicking around on some of the kettlebell sites, usually called "Turkish Get-ups" but I like the one illustrated on stumptuous best (it's about halfway down the page). It looks like she's using a sissy weight, but really, not so much. I used my 7-lb LDC and that was sufficient for 5 on each side to feel like I was doing something. Actually, it was kinda hard. Getting up once is easy, and usually it's sufficient for whatever purpose - but getting up from lying down over and over, and holding a weight over your head at the same time is challenging. I won't lie and say it's *fun* but it's technically easy enough and quickly enough accomplished that it's a good little "while the kettle's coming to a boil" exercise, if you get bored of pushups.
(Um, and on the weight front, I have to admit that I totally fell off the wagon while my mom and my sister were visiting and I actually put on 3 or 4 lbs. Bad me. I'm back on the wagon now and experimenting with intermittent fasting - I will post on that if it turns out to be actually a good thing. One of those "evolutionary biology theory predicts this will be good for you but let's see how reality works out" things. I will say at this point that it is entirely possible - based on one data point - to go for 24 hours without food and be hungry without feeling any decrease in energy or mood.)
Monday, April 21, 2008
I was sick, but now I'm doing 50 pushups a day
Well not really. Today I've managed 30, but I forgot to start until well after noon. See, you don't do the pushups all at once, you do them as many at a time as you can, and then you just do them as frequently as you need to in order to hit 50 a day. I just made this up, but it seems like if I do this every day, it'll do me some good.
Anyway, it was the first day I've done any kind of intentional exercise in the past week or more because last Friday (the one before this past one... er, the 11th?) I started to feel a bit squiffy in the back of my throat, then Saturday I had a raging fever (but still dragged my butt around town with my mom because it was our planned dinner/theatre night out), then Sunday I developed a wretchedly nasty sore throat that lasted most of last week. But I'm better now. I still got some exercise throughout the week, coughing and wheezing through a couple "why did we walk this far without the stroller, and my GOD that child is heavy" sessions... but this week I should be back on the real exercise.
Anyway, it was the first day I've done any kind of intentional exercise in the past week or more because last Friday (the one before this past one... er, the 11th?) I started to feel a bit squiffy in the back of my throat, then Saturday I had a raging fever (but still dragged my butt around town with my mom because it was our planned dinner/theatre night out), then Sunday I developed a wretchedly nasty sore throat that lasted most of last week. But I'm better now. I still got some exercise throughout the week, coughing and wheezing through a couple "why did we walk this far without the stroller, and my GOD that child is heavy" sessions... but this week I should be back on the real exercise.
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